Bishop Tobin dedicated his column in the Providence Visitor to the
topic of gay marriage and the Church’s teachings related to said topic.
Cardinal O’Malley of Boston and many other prominent religious
leaders within and outside the Church have signed a petition to
encourage legislation banning gay marriage throughout the United
States. Opponents and proponents of gay marriage are all weighing in,
and the discussions yet to be had will undoubtedly be heated and
painful. Everyone of us will read much about the issue in the near
future, enter into any number of conversations, and even state our own
personal opinion if we dare. I, for one, struggle with it all.
My struggle, I have come to believe, is over the fact that while the
battle before us is over the right to marry and be married, the real issue
may indeed be far deeper. How are any of us to reconcile the Church’s
teachings, handed down through generations and believed to be truly
inspired by God himself, with the lived experience of many good and
faithful people who try every day to live as God would want them to?
The vast majority of those seeking marriage in a same-sex relationship
are not attempting to make a mockery of marriage itself, but truly
understand their relationship to be called to the same depth of
commitment and permanence as understood in marriage. And while
some, understandably, see marriage as the only way for their
relationship to be recognized by society or the law, most come to seek it
for much more lofty purposes. Marriage may be a convenient focal
point around which discussion can be developed, but at stake in my
humble and perhaps naive opinion, is the need for acknowledgment and
recognition: of our dignity as human persons; our need for relationships
with other people; our need for relationship with God our creator. At
the core of the issue is a sense of identity and value, gay or straight: in
God’s eyes and society’s.
I do believe that the Church’s teachings are meant to guide and
challenge us all to live more fully the plan God has for us. I believe the
sacrament of marriage as given us by Jesus himself and celebrated by
the Church, is to be understood as taking place only between a man and
woman, since the fundamental purposes of marriage is both unitive and
procreative. And since the joining and benefit of each partner is thus
understood as being inseparable from the bearing of children, the union
of a man and woman is the only one which has the hope of
accomplishing both. I also believe that although a few, gay or straight,
can get caught at some stunted level of sexual development, a healthy
and mature sexual orientation does not change and is part of who God
has created us to be. Some may disagree.
With the current debate before us, how then, are we as Church and
as faithful and faith-filled members of society being challenged toward
a deeper understanding of our very selves, be we straight or gay? How
can we foster a greater dignity for all persons, and come to terms with
the proper place for all activity and practice, be they physical, sexual or
emotional? How are we all, regardless of sexual orientation, being
called to live more fully the moral ideals of our Church, and bring
healing instead of hurt, fulfillment instead of pain? Who, and what, has
God created me to be? This is my struggle. It is, I believe, the struggle
of us all.
